


A Rose For Justin

by mandagrammy



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M, Romance, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-18
Updated: 2014-09-18
Packaged: 2018-02-17 21:47:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2324300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandagrammy/pseuds/mandagrammy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Have you ever wondered about the aftermath of that scene when a very drunken Brian showed up at Ben and Michael's house after finding out Justin was staying with them?  What if it didn't go the way the series portrayed.  What if Brian used his considerable intelligence to realize what was most important to him, and it didn't take something as drastic as an explosion at Babylon to wake him up.  Here's my version of what could have been.  I hope you will enjoy it.  Many thanks to my beta, Judy, for her much appreciated help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Rose For Justin

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

Brian Kinney, reigning stud of his Babylon, stood outside the closed door of Michael and Ben's tidy, little house with his arms hanging limply at his sides. Slowly, his hands began to clench into tight balls of fury. How could Mikey, his best friend forever, have been so cruel to him? His angry words bounced around inside the haze of Brian's drunken brain. He kept hearing over and over again those final words that had sliced into Brian's gut and spilled out all over the safe ground Brian was used to standing on wherever Mikey was concerned. 

"He didn't leave because I infected him! He left because of you! Who wouldn't?!!!"

The denouncement rang inside his head like a death knell... the death of their perfect friendship. Well, he thought to himself, perfect for him... but maybe not so perfect for Michael. He had always known that he got more from their friendship than Mikey. He thrived on adoration and Michael gave it to him by the bucketful. He did love Michael, but he knew it wasn't in the way his devoted friend truly wanted. It hadn't stopped him from giving Michael a taste of what could have been every once in a while. Kisses and hugs only fanned the flame for the poor guy, but never quenched his thirst. Now Michael had doused the flame for him once and for all. It stung! It stung far more than Brian could have imagined. 

It was devastating, if he was being honest with himself, to lose Justin. Now he had to face the fact that he had lost Michael too. If only he still had Mikey, he could at least pretend that the loss of Justin wasn't the end of all things good in his life. He could pretend that he was the old Brian again, with Mikey in tow, carousing through the night as only a single, unattached gay man was able to do. What would he do with himself now? He knew he still had his powers, but they were dimming rapidly. New guys... younger guys like this Brandon character were snapping at his heels, waiting to be crowned the hottest stud of Liberty Avenue once the king was dead. That hadn't happened when he turned thirty like he had feared, but he would be thirty-five on his next birthday and he suspected it would happen very soon. And what would he do then?

Brian slowly stepped off the porch and made his way back to his car. Somewhere inside his brain he knew he shouldn't have been driving. He knew he had had one too many. It was the only reason he had made such an ass of himself just now. The more shots he slammed back, the more he resented knowing that Justin was now ensconced in Michael's neat, little suburban home instead of the loft. Didn't Justin understand how much he had sacrificed by giving up his 'fuck pad' to turn it into a real home for two? It was true that he still brought tricks home whenever the mood struck him, but never without Justin's approval. He didn't do anything without telling Justin what he was up to. He even admitted that they were a couple... partners, even. What more did the blond beauty want from him?

Well hell! He knew what Justin wanted. He wasn't deaf, dumb, or blind where his lover was concerned. He knew exactly what Justin wanted. Michael had zeroed in on the main thorn in their lives when he delivered his tirade. Justin wanted Brian to admit he was in love with him. He wanted Brian to admit that no one else was as important to him as Justin was. He wanted Brian to make a real family with him. A family, for gawd's sake! Didn't he understand how much Brian hated that word? When he thought of Justin, he didn't want to think 'family'. It was like using a dirty word in the same sentence with someone so beautiful. 

Even though Brian knew somewhere deep in his heart that his attitude towards the word 'family' was irrational, and that not all families were like the cold, destructive one he had grown up in, he couldn't seem to deal logically with his rationale. He wanted Justin in his life... yes, dammit, he wanted him more than anything else in the world. He wanted to share his life completely and forever with Justin. Yes, he did love him. He couldn't help it if saying the words was so painful to him. He had heard his parents and sister use the word 'love' around others more times than he could count while growing up and he was always aware that it was bullshit. They said 'love' with one side of their mouths while spewing hate with the other side, usually in the privacy of their own home so that others couldn't witness the hypocrisy. 

Brian had grown up thinking that actions spoke louder than words. That was why he was so certain that Justin would see his love clearly in the actions of his partner. Brian bent over backwards time and again to show Justin how he truly felt. Most of the time, Brian was positive Justin felt the love. They connected on so many levels. But other times, Brian knew that Justin didn't feel the love strongly enough. That happened just the other day when Brian came home to find Justin packed and ready to move on. Even as they hugged at the door, Brian could sense that Justin didn't want to go. He knew somewhere deep inside that he could stop Justin with three little words. He wanted to.... he really did, but long-held fears crept into his veins, freezing his vocal cords. He simply couldn't say what was in his heart. He watched Justin leave and then shut down. A wall that had fallen down several years earlier began to build itself back up around his heart, brick by brick. 

******************************************************************

Brian returned to Babylon, driving a little more soberly after being figuratively slapped so hard by Michael. The place was his only refuge now that the loft was an empty shell. He downed a couple more drinks at the bar to get his buzz going again and then noticed the newcomer, Brandon who was being sucked off right out on the dance floor. Normally he would have barely blinked at the activity, but the worshipful way the twink was going down on him brought out Brian's dread of losing the only thing he had left to him... his crown as Babylon's top stud. Without that, Brian had nothing to hold onto any more. He put a quick end to Brandon by barring him from Babylon and went about his old habits for pain management, being sucked off in the back room not once, but three times before calling it a night. He felt nothing... not once. He climaxed only when he was able to picture Justin doing the deed deep within his foggy brain.

The next evening after work, Brian visited Woody's. He was praying that a little hair of the dog and a few games of pool would help to vanquish the dull headache he had suffered all through the day. Maybe he would even find a hook-up that would be talented enough to make him forget the aching feeling inside his gut every time Justin's face flashed through his thoughts, which was far too often for comfort. Enough was enough. Justin was gone and he couldn't stand the thought that it was taking so long for the blond to become nothing more than a pleasant, but distant memory. How the hell long was it going to take, anyway?

Unfortunately, the only guy who stopped Brian's game to chat was that pretender to the throne, Brandon. Brian ignored him at first, taking his next shot, but Brandon had no intention of leaving. A minute later, he came right out and said what was on his mind. He wanted to know why Brian had him banned from the dance club. The two men verbally jousted back and forth for a while, feeling each other out like two lions wanting the same pride under their control. Brandon did his best to get under Brian's skin but the older, more experienced man didn't crumble. When Brandon stated that Brian was scared of him and that was the reason for the banishment, Brian didn't flinch, at least not on the outside. 

The predator in Brandon sensed an opening. Without warning, he attacked. He decided it was time for the full-on challenge for supremacy. He offered Brian a deal... a winner-take-all battle. He suggested that the two of them pick out the ten hottest lays at Babylon and the first man to conquer all ten would earn the title of top stud, either retaining his crown (Brian sneered) or taking it (Brandon smirked). Brian's gut reaction was to accept immediately. He truly felt confident that he would win with no trouble at all. He quietly asked what the prize would be (besides what they both knew was uppermost... namely the title). Brandon said that he could get back into Babylon if he won and Brian, after thinking for a minute, said that he could get into Brandon if he won.

There was a short pause and then Brandon agreed. It was at that moment that a burst of laughter came from behind the two men. Brian thought he heard Justin's laugh in the midst of it and whirled around to face the bar. There were half a dozen men standing there talking animatedly about something that had obviously amused them a great deal. Not one of them was looking in Brian's direction. They were oblivious to the drama unfolding behind them. Not one of them was Justin, either. Brian turned slowly back to face Brandon again. As he did, he could clearly hear Justin's voice inside his head as he accused Brian of being so immature. Justin had done that many times in the past but always as a joke. His tone wasn't teasing this time. Brian looked Brandon squarely in the eye and spoke, surprising himself with the words that tumbled out.

"How old are you, kid?" putting a strong emphasis on the word... kid.

Brandon was caught off-guard. "What?"

"What I mean is, are you still in high school? Or maybe you've never left kindergarten. I personally stopped playing 'I dare you' games when I quit wearing short pants. I don't have to prove a thing, kid. You are the one who has that task... and good luck with it. Maybe you'll get lucky and find someone who'll look past your arrogance and superior attitude to find someone worth caring about after you get through fucking them. But that will only happen if you are really, truly lucky cause it doesn't happen often. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a life to live and something far more important to take care of than a snotty-nosed brat who desperately needs to feel important by taking down the best and proving he's better."

Brian dropped the pool cue onto the table and turned his back on his would-be rival. Brandon stood there with his mouth open, a look of shock replacing the smirk he had been sporting. After a few steps, Brian turned back around and threw his trademark crooked grin, complete with cocked eyebrow, Brandon's way. 

"Oh, I forgot to add... I'll lift your ban tonight. You're no threat to me anymore. I have, or at least I'm hoping to have something you may never find.... something far more valuable than any fool's gold crown. Just keep the sex where it belongs... in the back room. You have enough of an audience there and I don't need to be raided."

With that, Brian turned again and left Woody's. As soon as Brian was seated in his 'Vette, he felt his entire body relax and let out a deep sigh of relief. He hadn't even been aware of how tense he had been for such a long time now. He sent up a silent prayer of thanks to whatever gods ruled the world. They had thrown Brandon his way so that he could clearly see what he was trading Justin in for. He couldn't believe how stupid he had been... how stupid and stuck in the past he had been. It had suddenly dawned on him that he had let his parents and family, people he truly detested, control his life. He had let them dictate how he would live his life, which precluded any chance of an honest and total connection to the one man who made life worth living. In the end, they were the winners. He wasn't going to play their game anymore, just like he wasn't playing Brandon's game. He was going home and using his spectacular brain to figure out what his next move needed to be.

*******************************************************************

Brian stood outside Michael and Ben's door for the second time in less than a week. This time was different. He was as sober as a judge. He also didn't come empty-handed. He had his hand behind his back. He knew Justin was in the house. He had unashamedly bribed Ted into checking for him, promising his favorite employee that he wasn't up to no good. He used his free hand to knock quietly on the door. A part of him was as nervous as hell. This might be the most important night of his life and he prayed he wouldn't blow it. He waited for what seemed like hours for the sound of footsteps approaching the door. It finally swung open. Ben stood there again, this time with an apron around his middle. 

"What the hell do you want, Brian?" he asked snippily. "We were just about to sit down to dinner and we don't need any scenes to spoil the meal for us."

Brian did his best to keep his voice humble.

"I didn't come here to spoil anything... and I'm truly sorry for that scene the other night. I came here to talk to Justin. Look, I'm completely sober... haven't had a drop," he informed Ben, raising the one hand that wasn't behind his back. 

Ben hesitated, but there was something about Brian's demeanor. There was no rancor in his tone and he seemed.... well, almost contrite. That was definitely not like the Brian he knew. He quickly realized that it wasn't up to him if Justin saw Brian. It was Justin's choice.

"You stay here. I'll let him know you're here and it will be up to Justin if he wants to see you."

Brian nodded his head and planted his feet firmly together in acknowledgement that he wasn't moving an inch.

Ben hurried away. Brian tried to relax, but found the effort difficult. Thankfully he didn't have to wait long. Justin appeared from the dining room. He smiled at Brian, but it wasn't the overjoyed smile from the old days. It was a cautious smile. Justin was on his guard. The thought occurred to Brian that Justin may have witnessed his drunken tirade from before. He wondered briefly how the young man felt about it if he did. It would certainly explain the hesitant way he approached Brian right now.

"Ben said you wanted to see me. Are you okay? Is there anything wrong?"

Brian thought to himself... 'how typical of Justin to be more concerned for him than anything else'.

"No, I'm fine.... okay, that's not exactly true. Ahh, ahh," Brian found himself stammering like some schoolboy.

"Brian?" Worry began creeping into Justin's voice.

"Well damn, Justin. I'm sorry. I'm having a little trouble saying what I came to tell you."

"Take your time. I'm not going anywhere." 

Both men realized how ironic those words were.

Suddenly Brian reached out with his free hand and grabbed Justin's arm gently. 

"Justin," he pleaded, "can we please go outside on the porch for just a minute? Hopefully I'll be able to think more clearly out in the fresh air."

Justin hesitated. If Brian had begun pulling on him, trying to force him to go outside he probably would have refused, but the pleading look in Brian's eyes and the gentle way he held onto Justin's arm convinced him to go ahead and give in to Brian's request. The two men stepped outside, closing the door behind them. Brian had managed to keep his one hand behind his back. Justin went to the railing of the porch and leaned against it. Brian stood in front of him, shifting his feet. Finally he spoke up.

"Sunshine, I've been doing a lot of thinking while you've been gone. I really didn't have much choice. The truth is, nothing else seems worth doing anymore. I've been to my club every night and still gone out after work every night, but....but...well fuck, Justin, there's no fun in it without you. I miss you, Justin! I miss you more than I can say."

Justin interrupted. "C'mon Brian. It's hasn't even been a week. You'll find the old Brian again. You just need time."

"Goddammit, Justin. Don't you understand? I don't want to find the old Brian. I want the Brian I am with you! Look, I know it will be hard for you to believe because I haven't really given you much reason to, but I really am capable of change. I've had an epiphany, one might say. That new guy from the club is actually the one who brought me to my senses. He challenged me to a fuck-off contest to prove who was the better stud and it suddenly dawned on me that I don't really care who is the best. I already had the only thing worth having. Or at least I did have until you left."

Brian stopped and took a deep breath. He could see by the stunned look on Justin's face that he had gotten through to the man he loved. He didn't know yet whether Justin believed him completely. He finally revealed what was behind his back. It was the most perfect rose bloom that Justin had ever seen.... a single rose with a white center that transitioned into a vibrant purple at the outer petals. Justin felt his heart skip a beat. Brian held it up to Justin.

"I thought about that time a couple of years ago when I almost bought you flowers and didn't. I thought about all the wasted time between us that I could have avoided with that one simple gesture. I then thought about buying you a whole floral shop full of roses, but I know you. An ostentatious display like that wouldn't have made my point."

Justin could barely catch his breath. 

"And your point is?" he almost whispered.

"That, like this single blossom, my feelings for you are simple and beautiful. To put it simply, Justin... I love you. I have for a very long time and I'm tired of being afraid to say it out loud. I want you to take this rose and hold onto it until I can replace it with a ring... something that will never wilt and die." Brian smiled hopefully. "I want you to come home, Sunshine. Not as a roommate, but as a mate.... a forever mate. I want you to marry m......mmmffff."

Brian's words were cut off. Justin had grabbed Brain's face so hard, he almost knocked the man down. Somehow Brian held onto the rose. His arms wrapped tightly around Justin as the blond moved rapidly in to kiss Brian fervently. The kiss went on and on. Both men were reluctant to part. It seemed forever since they had last tasted the nectar of each other's mouths. Eventually they did have to part, but Justin stayed tight against Brian's body, safe within the circle of Brian's arms as Brian rested with his back to the wall of the house. 

"Does this mean you are saying yes?" Brian asked with his face buried in Justin's silken-gold hair.

Brian felt Justin nodding his head against his chest and relaxed for the first time all night. They had no desire to part. They stayed where they were, slowly caressing one another on their backs, their arms, their chests. Justin looked up into Brian's eyes and they kissed over and over. Their desire rose up inside them, as it always did in good times and bad. This wasn't the place for what they wanted... what they needed. Brian handed Justin the rose and the blond buried his nose in the petals. Nothing had ever smelled so sweet.

"Are you ready to go home?" Brian asked, the lust and love he felt easy to hear in his voice.

Justin nodded again. It took fifteen long minutes to convince Michael and Ben that he knew what he was doing when Justin went in to gather his things and thank his friends for their hospitality. He could see their scepticism when he quickly told them the gist of what had just happened. It didn't matter. They would learn. As for himself, he had no doubts at all. Brian had declared his love and he meant it. That was all Justin needed to hear. That would sustain him through any troubles that life would throw at them in the future. Tonight would be the first night of the rest of their lives together and it would be beautiful... just like the man he had fallen in love with five years ago on their first night making love... just like the single rose Brian had finally given him.... just like the love he felt just as deeply for Brian as he now knew Brian felt for him. Tonight he was placing all his trust in Brian and he knew, beyond a single doubt, that his heart would be forever safe with his man. And Brian's heart.... well that would be forever safe in his hands too. They were protected by a love that was everlasting.

THE END


End file.
